Making A Christian Marriage #5

 by Betty Jackson

Making Choices

Joshua challenged the Israelites to make a choice. After urging the people to put away their idols and serve Jehovah in sincerity and truth, he said, “...choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served ...” (Joshua 24:14-15). 

Today, we have the same challenge. We can choose to serve those things we make into idols, or we can choose to serve God with all sincerity and truth. Jesus gave us the great commandments to love the Lord with all of our hearts, souls, strengths and minds. Then, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves. (cf. Matthew 22:37-39; Luke 10:27.) It is in our power to love as Christ commands.

One of our most important decisions is choosing who we will marry. We need to realize that the Bible has something to say about choosing a mate. In the Old Testament the Israelites were taught to marry Israelites, and not pagans. The New Testament likewise teaches that Christians are to marry “in the Lord.”  In 1 Corinthians 7:39, Paul wrote the words of God concerning a widow’s privilege to remarry, but “only in the Lord.” Some suggest this doesn’t apply to a young person. Is that logical? If a widowed woman, who has gained some wisdom by the experience of marriage, is to marry only a Christian, certainly a young, inexperienced person ought to choose a Christian to marry. 

Christian parents must begin from the earliest days to teach their children the Lord’s will about marriage. Choosing to marry a non-Christian is a failure to put the Lord first (Matthew 6:33). Who we marry just may influence where we spend eternity!

Peter acknowledges that some Christians will find themselves married to unbelievers. (cf. 1 Peter 3:1-6.) Perhaps they were converted to Christ after marrying. Others may never have been taught, or simply ignored the scriptures about marrying in the Lord. Whether married to a non-Christian or a Christian, there are choices to be made after the wedding day.

Likely you have met people who seem to float along in life. Life just happens to them. They have no direction, no goals, no real ambition. They appear stunted in their growth. We can be that way within our marriages if we are not careful. What is the goal for your marriage?

Early on in marriage, most of us are of the mindset that this spouse of mine is going to “make” me happy. He will fulfill all my needs. In reality, that is typical of youthful thinking. Yet, it is in relationships, especially marriage, that we grow and mature. The fact is no human being is capable of “making” another happy. Only the Lord is able to provide real needs and happiness. The beatitudes in Matthew 5 explain how to be happy. Nothing there is about a spouse being the “happy-maker.”

Do not misunderstand. I know it is possible to have emotional sadness. We have met people who are living in difficult circumstances, who seek relief from the burdens of cruelty or the sadness of failed or troubled marriage. If we are honest, we will admit that all of us cross the lines of making our spouses unhappy at times. We are sinners. At times we misinterpret our mate’s actions and act foolish.

In every marriage there are choices to be made. We can react or we can respond. None of us will become perfectly skilled at not over-reacting at times, but we can grow. How?

Foremost, we must know how God wants us to be. It is one thing to not react with the same bitterness someone may throw at us, and another to be without bitterness in the heart. Hard? Most certainly.

We must grow each day by studying God’s word. Then we will be able to overlook “the small stuff.” Only then will we learn how to deal with the more difficult issues that may arise. Herein we see the importance of making choices.

No one makes us act in a bad way. We choose to react. Now, all of us have a bad day now and then, and act ugly! However, if it is habitual, there are serious heart problems.

We must learn to make choices that are not self-centered. There are some women whose homes are their idols. Their husbands cannot relax there for fear they will be nagged. Money (or the lack of it) may become a serious issue that rules out God as first. Most anything can become an idol.

There are choices to be made when a mate is not spiritually minded. Decisions must be made about attending worship on the Lord’s day. Since the real purpose of our relationship is to help our mate go to heaven, we need to stand firm, instead of giving in to the “don’t you want to be with me” arguments, or “let’s go somewhere together this morning.” Other choices in such a relationship have to do with the kind of entertainment to see or do. Peter’s admonition tells us how to be the example before that spouse for a greater possibility of converting him (1 Peter 3:1-6).

I would like to recommend a book titled How to Act Right, When Your Spouse Acts Wrong by Leslie Vernick, a marriage counselor. Her book was written for men and women. It addresses this basic problem of how to make right choices for the situations that come up between marriage partners. She stresses the diligence we must have in making choices that are not from a self-absorbed frame of mind. Though a member of some denomination, she gives some good biblical advice. Biblical principles applied will even improve the lives of non-Christians. They won’t get to heaven without obeying the gospel, but there are effective, timeless principles in the Lord’s Word.

While the Lord did not make each of us choose the mate we married, we can surely use the experiences of married life to help us grow, and be more like Jesus. His patience for our wrong doing is exemplary. (cf. Lamentations 3:22-23.) Let us do our best to follow the Lord; realizing we need to help our mates, our children, and grandchildren to love God. 

Choose today to be like Joshua, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Perhaps you can’t at this moment speak for anyone besides yourself. But choosing the goal of doing everything you can to lead by example. Then you may eventually be able to include other family members. But it most likely won't happen if you don't choose the Lord over everyone and everything (Matthew 6:33).  

Try this:

Evaluate yourself:

Have you really made the choice to put the Lord first each and every day?

Honestly consider if you are a reactionary most of the time. Or, do you wait, think, then respond?

Do this:

Read this article. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1270-god-wants-me-to-be-happy

Look up some of the verses from the book of Psalms and Proverbs listed in the section of this article titled Divine Happiness.

Memorize this: 

Luke 10:27 “And he answered, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.’”

Questions

1. What are some things that can become idols?

2. Define react.

3. Define respond.

4. What is the most important purpose of marriage?

Recommended Reading

Jackson, Wayne. Should A Christian Marry Outside the Faith? 

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/313-should-a-christian-marry-outside-the-faith

Jackson, Jason. Is a Loveless Marriage Scriptural Grounds For Divorce? 

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1181-is-a-loveless-marriage-scriptural-grounds-for-divorce

Making a Christian Marriage #4

by Betty Jackson

What About Forgiveness

During his ministry, Jesus taught his disciples about forgiveness. On one occasion Peter asked the Lord, “‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’”  The response of the Lord was, “‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’”  Now, does that mean you need to keep count, and on that 490th time, that is it? Of course not. The Lord was using figurative language. He went on to teach the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant. (See: Matthew 18:23-34).

In this parable the king (representing God) forgave a servant of a debt that he would never be able to pay. But that servant failed to have patience with a fellow who owed him much less money. He took him by the throat, then had him put in prison. When the king found out about this, he punished the unmerciful servant.

The application of this story was “‘My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart’” (vs. 35). 

Paul gave this command, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

The marriage relationship requires a forgiving spirit. The woman who is a grudge-holder will only tear her relationship apart. The wise woman will build up her house, but the foolish will only tear it down (Proverbs 14:1).

Does the spirit of kindness and forgiveness mean that one will endure any kind of treatment, sin or abuse? Of course not. The adulterer can be divorced for his sin (Matthew 19:9, Mark 10:11-12). The contentious in the church brings isolation upon themselves (2 Thessalonians 3:14-15; Titus 3:10). However, there will be plenty of times that forgiveness is necessary to move on to a better relationship.

We live in an imperfect world, and we all are part of the reason! If one does not fully appreciate the forgiveness of sins through the blood of Christ (Ephesians 1:-6-8), it will be difficult to forgive others. 

Can you think of any time in your life that you have been forgiven for something you did that hurt or damaged another? How did you feel when you knew you were forgiven? Surely there was relief, and a sense of humble appreciation. 

There are so many important challenges with which to cope that we simply must learn to not “sweat the small stuff.” Again, that doesn’t mean one ignores chronic problems. But the big problems can be magnified if one treats every single infraction as a major sin. Pick the right battles to work through. Don’t keep score of how many times your mate forgot to do something or if he isn’t as thoughtful as you would like. Learn to think ahead about how to righteously deal with situations.

Think about this verse: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, But the mouth of fools spouts folly” (Proverbs 15:1-2).

In Ephesians 5:1-2, Paul instructs us to “walk in love.” This is that “agape-love.” It is a decision of the will. We can choose to walk in this kind of love, or keep our heads in the clouds waiting for that Hollywood love. That kind of “love” doesn’t last. It can’t endure through hard times of health crises or death of loved ones, etc.  It is primarily a fleshly infatuation that is mostly self-centered.

Let’s practice soft speaking when we are irritated, choosing the right words at the right time. Timing is everything. Don’t begin a heavy problem conversation when your mate is worn out and distracted by other burdens. 

Gaining the kind of love a woman craves is done by being a woman approved by God, with the godly characteristics described in the Scriptures. The Bible is the “How To Book” for wives. Remember that we were created to be helpers for our mates. We must learn how to be that helper, with a gentle and tranquil spirit. By doing so we will not only be precious in the sight of God, but to our husbands. (See: 1 Peter 3:1-6; Proverbs 31:28-29.)

Consider this: 

Read 1 Peter 3:1-6 at least twice this coming week. 

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NASV)

Try this:

Think about the issues you may have in your marriage. Even if you have a good marriage, consider any improvements you can make in yourself that will bring greater happiness to your husband, thus to yourself.

Do This:

Go to http://www.studylight.org Click “Original Language Tools” in the bar towards the top of the page. Type 1 Peter 3:1-6 in the box that comes up. Each verse will appear in the New American Standard Version. You will see the Greek version of the verse below the English. Click on the following English words one at a time: behavior, gentle, quiet, and precious. That will highlight the Greek word. Write each of those words, with their meanings, on a piece of paper.   

Choose one area to work on this week. If you are a nervous person, calm yourself through prayer and meditation upon the Scriptures. If you tend to be loud when you are upset, try to speak with more quiet gentleness. Think about Jesus, the tenderhearted Son of God.

Pray for your mate. Pray that you will be able to help him in his efforts to serve the Lord. Express thanksgiving for the forgiveness of your sins.

Questions

1. Define forgiveness.
2. Must one overlook every sin a mate might commit against his wife?
3. How do you think one can grow to be a more forgiving person?
4. Read Matthew 5:7. How could this verse be applied in marriage?
5. Pray for a more forgiving heart.

Recommended Reading 

Jackson,Wayne. Three Dimensions of Love.
https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/255-three-dimensions-of-love
Jackson, Wayne. Understanding Forgiveness.                                 https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/887-understanding-forgiveness

Photo Copyright: <a href='http://www.123rf.com/profile_alexraths'>alexraths / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

Making a Christian Marriage #3

by Betty Jackson

What Is Submission?

Is it difficult for us to be in submission to our husbands, or the leadership of the church? Do we understand what biblical submission is?

Let’s think about what it is not. Biblical submission is not enduring physical or verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is not the same as saying regretful words during a disagreement. It is the habitual attack of degrading and threatening words. It creates fear and discouragement. 

Discouragement in marriage is not necessarily a sign of abuse. It does suggest there is work to be done. Creating a good marriage is not always simple. It is easier for some than for others. The history of each spouse affects the marriage. That history can be helpful, or create hurdles.

What then is the biblical meaning of submission? Is it required of only women? No, submission is a way of thinking and accepting God’s designated leaders, as they lead according to his Word. (Ephesians 5:21; Hebrews 13:17).  When we consider the needs of another above our own, we are submitting (Philippians 2:1-7).

A good husband makes it an honor to submit to his delegated authority. That authority is a responsibility, and not a position of dictatorship. Submission is recognizing and accepting another’s authority over you. A man cannot force a woman to have a submissive attitude. An abused wife or child may submit out of fear or other reasons, but that is not biblical submission.  

In some situations, submission may be difficult, perhaps due to the lack of spirituality in the mate. Through the apostle Peter, the Lord demands the attitude of submission, even to a non-Christian (1 Peter 3:1ff). A godly woman will work to develop the prescribed gentle, quiet demeanor and conduct. That is the kind of lady who can expect more influence on her mate than the nagging wife that Solomon knew about (Proverbs 19:13; 21:9; 25:24; 27:15)!

The call of the modern feminists to be assertive, to stand up for your rights, don’t let a man tell you what to do, find yourself, etc. has influenced a significant number of women. Robin Morgan was the editor of a radical feminist magazine. She, with Jane Fonda and Gloria Steinem established another media outlet propagating the hysterical feminist agenda. Ms. Morgan stated, "I feel that 'man-hating' is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them" (http://www.azquotes.com/author/10390-Robin_Morgan). Such hateful dispositions will not bring happiness! And the bitterness fostered by the feminists is condemned by God.

According to the late Judge Robert Bork, feminists have had influence upon curricula used in elementary and high school. They are teaching our girls these putrid ideas through various outlets. Question: Have they influenced us? I am afraid that many women have absorbed much of these ideas without realizing it. It surfaces within the home and the church. There are even “women preachers and elders” in some congregations claiming to be the church of Christ. It has become popular to suggest that Paul's instruction in 1 Timothy 2:8-15 are cultural, and not time lasting based upon principals of creation and the fall (1 Tim. 2:13-14; 1 Cor. 11:1-16).

The characteristics of a woman who has submission problems are nagging, bitterness, resentment, and bossiness. She habitually contradicts her husband. She looks down on him as beneath her. Such a woman may make all the decisions for the family, or secretly do things behind his back. She may squander their money. She may even be flirtatious with other men by actions or the way she dresses.

In contrast, the godly wife recognizes her role. "Scripture indicates that it is the wife's responsibility to be submissive. Nowhere is the husband commanded to physically force his wife into submissions. Rather the wife is commanded to make herself submissive (Ephesians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:1" (Ken Wilson, p. 51). 

Such a woman is characterized by wise and kind words (Proverbs 31:26). She  is a strong, dignified and modest woman in the way she speaks and carries herself (vs. 25a). She has a sense of humor, instead of always being ready to be offended (vs. 25b). She has a spirit of gentleness and quietness (in contrast to boisterous vulgarity or sensuous speech). She is a calm person. She is a help to her husband. She is wise enough to be his best friend and counselor. 

Let us all seek to be more submissive to the Lord by being respectful in the way we interact with our mates and church leaders.

Consider this: 

Read 1 Peter 3:1-6 two times this week. 

See: 1 Corinthians 11:1-4; 1 Timothy 2:8-15.) 

Try this: 

Evaluate yourself. Think about ways you can improve your attitude of submissiveness? Do you treat your mate with respect? Being respectful does not mean you ignore problems, but it does show how communication is to be done.

Do this: 

Step back a bit! Instead of forging ahead, help your husband to lead you, by considering him as God’s leader. Don’t make all decisions by yourself. Consult him. If you have a different perspective, talk it over without being condescending.

Can you think of anything you could do this coming week that would help your husband spend time studying his Bible? Can you clear some time for him? Perhaps he isn’t willing. Be creative in conversation about spiritual matters, such as a recent Bible class or sermon. 

Recommended Reading

Bork, Robert. Slouching Towards Gomorrah. 1996. Regan Books: HarperCollins Publishers. New York, NY.
Jackson, Wayne. The Role of Woman.
https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/202-role-of-woman-the
Jackson, Wayne. In What Sense Is Man the Head of Woman? https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1137-in-what-sense-is-man-the-head-of-woman
Wilson, Ken. The Christian Home by God's Design. 2004. Star Bible & Tract Corp. Fort Worth, TX.

Memorize this:

Proverbs 31:26 “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”


Questions To Ponder

1. Define submission.

2. How may a woman convert her husband to the gospel?    Give a scripture reference.  

3. List some ways to encourage spiritual thinking in one’s mate.

4. Look up the references in this lesson from the book of Proverbs. Make a list of descriptives of the unpleasant woman.

5.Try to sincerely (not phony) compliment your mate about his work or something he has done for you.

Making a Christian Marriage #2

by Betty Jackson

What Is Love?

Do you believe “being in love” is more important in marriage than commitment?” Most married people in our culture have experienced “being in love,” that feeling of infatuation. However, the honeymoon doesn’t last forever—at least in a 24/7 way. In a good marriage, there is still the being in love, but in a different and steady way. Soon the misconception that you found the perfect man is gone. He knows you aren’t perfect either. 

In John 3:16 we are told: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son...” The Greek word “love” in this passage is agapao. This type of love is not so much about feelings, but of commitment to the person of worth. How much are you and your husband worth? Both of you are priceless! If God loves your husband so much that he gave Jesus to die for him, then he is worth all the effort you can give to love him with that kind of love. 

Agape-love is a deep and abiding commitment that considers the loved one worth saving. The most important role in marriage is helping our husbands. That was why we were created! (Genesis 2:18; 1 Corinthians 11:8). It is so easy to succumb to negative thinking: “But he doesn’t ... or he does thus and so all the time.” This series of lessons is not about husbands. It is to encourage us to grow stronger in the role God has assigned to us.

The primary helping task is spiritual (more about this in another lesson). The outstanding characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman are her strength, dignity, and kindness (v. 25-26). A consideration of her daily tasks reveals she was bound to have moments of fatigue. Bone weariness can bring temptations to be negative and combative. These are times to be in tune with our bodies, and to have a spiritual mind over matter. 

We must be the spiritual helpers we ought to be, in spite of our physical weaknesses. Improving our marriages takes deliberate and hard work. This short article cannot address all the ways to do that. However, we need to look at our schedules which get so out of control that our lives are in virtual chaos. One must address these kinds of things for the best spiritual good. There must be balance between tending to the necessary, and neglecting the spiritual.

Consider this: 

Read 1 Corinthians 13 through two times this coming week. 

Try this: 

Choose a couple of things from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 to incorporate into your life this week. It might be good to choose the latter part of verse 5. In the American Standard Version, it reads: “Love ... taketh not account of evil.”  In the New American Standard, it is translated: “does not take into account a wrong suffered.” I don’t think the ESV brings out the original, but perhaps it does help us to realize that keeping score of wrongs causes us to be resentful, producing an atmosphere that is detrimental to the spiritual environment of our homes.

Communication breaks down when we keep bringing up past hurts that should have been forgotten. Dealing with the problems is not about keeping an account of how many times we have been hurt or ignored. 

Another consideration might be: “Love .... is not provoked.” When we make the decision to “agape-love,” we will overlook petty annoyances. Our level of irritation, exasperation will be less. There are right things to be annoyed about. Paul was upset at times with the ignorant behavior of his fellow Jews. But in the context of 1 Corinthians 13, we are talking about the characteristics Christians should possess.

Is it hard to have this kind of love? For sure. Yet, it can grow easier day by day, with practice. None of us grew up in perfect homes; we brought some baggage into our marriages. Some learned things must be unlearned. Becoming a Christian is a life of thankfulness and repentance, a life of changing and growing through committed effort to put on the new self (ESV, Ephesians 4:22-23).

Do this: 

Evaluate yourself.  Note how your attitude of irritation affects your treatment of other members of your family. 

Be thankful for the Lord’s help when you acted in a good and kind way (without a haughty attitude), in spite of anything that you perceive as irritating.

Recommended Reading

Heald, Cynthia. Loving Your Husband. 1989. Colorado Springs, CO. NavPress Publishing Group.

Jackson, Jill. 

http://holy-women-of-hope.blogspot.com/2014/07/coping-with-baggage.html

Jackson, Wayne.

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/78-challenge-of-agape-love-the
https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/255-three-dimensions-of-love

Memorize this:

1 John 4:7-8(ESV)

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

Questions to Ponder

 (Give Scripture references)

1. Define “agape-love.”
2. How do wives show true love in marriage?
3. Why were women created?
4. What are some things one learns in youth that should be “unlearned” for marriage?
5. How does a Christian woman show she is penitent and thankful for the forgiveness of her sins?

Making a Christian Marriage #1

by Betty Jackson

Loving Grace

Scholars define grace, bestowed by God, as favor, loving-kindness. In biblical context it is “unmerited favor.” Without at least an inkling of the horridness of sin, grace will be unappreciated. “[T]o the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace” (Ephesians  1:6-7; ESV). (Emphasis-mine.) 

Consider the cost of the bestowment of that grace! “...For if by the transgression of the one the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abound to the many” (Acts 20:28; Romans 5:15).

The offer of grace is an offer for salvation (Ephesians 2:1-10). Of course, that means we must know how to obtain grace. The Bible reveals that plan of grace, or salvation (Mark 16:16, Acts 2:38, 22:16).

Grace can be lost (Galatians 5:1-5). We are to grow in grace (2 Peter 3:18). Growing and changing takes deliberate effort. Habitual behavior is not easy to overcome.  

How can an appreciation of God’s grace help one’s marriage? How can growth improve relationships? A deep and abiding appreciation for God’s grace (unmerited favor) will motivate us to permeate our actions with grace and kindness toward others. Jesus had an attitude toward us. He did not look down upon us because of our sins. Rather, his goal was to rescue us, to help us go to heaven. Our individual goals need to be the same as the Lord’s—helping others go to heaven, without being condescending. Our immediate responsibility is to our mates and our children. 

Consider this: 

Make a list (at least mentally) of your sins for which you are especially grateful that God has forgiven. Thank the Lord for his grace that made it possible that you be forgiven.

Try this: 

Make a list of things that you do that you know irritates your mate. These may be something as unimportant as the way you squeeze toothpaste out of the tube, or it may be a real sin. Don’t make a long list. Just one or two items.

Think about how your husband can show grace towards you, when you do these things he does not approve of, or that irritate him. Note: Grace doesn’t always overlook mistakes. 

 

Do this: 

Read Colossians 4:6; Ephesians 4:29. How does one who speaks with grace, seasoned with salt (speech permeated with heart-felt love for God and others) speak and act towards another person, even an offending person? 

Make a list of ways you can improve in speaking with grace to your mate. How often do you speak in an angry or condescending tone? Practice—not just when things are going great, but even when you are under stress. If you err, apologize; and start over!

Memorize this:

 “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight” (Ephesians 1:7-8; ESV).

Recommended Reading

Jackson, Jill. 

http://holy-women-of-hope.blogspot.com/2014/02/are-you-building-successful-marriage.html

Jackson, Wayne.

https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1279-true-meaning-of-grace-the

Loden, Patsy. 2010. Loving Your Husband. Huntsville, AL. Publishing Designs, Inc.

Questions to Ponder

1. What does the word grace mean?
2. How has God shown grace to us?
3. Can one be saved by grace alone?
4. What is Christ’s attitude toward those upon whom he has bestowed grace?
5. How can our speech destroy our influence as a Christian?

Grandmothers and Reality

by Betty Jackson

Grandchildren can light up the aging years (Prov. 17:6). Some grandparents are apt to say they enjoy their grandchildren, and how happy they are to send them home! Most grandmothers will admit it is wonderful to be loved as grandchildren love them, without the stress of being completely responsible for their every need. However, the Lord explained the responsibility of grandparents. By inspiration, Moses wrote:

 “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children” (Deut. 4:9 - emphasis mine).

Families are so scattered from one another. It isn’t easy to have time with our grandchildren. However, the reputation of grandparents is established in the eyes of the young easily. Even some of the most despicable women show great affection for their grandchildren. Sadly, their influences are not for good.

Note that there are some grandmothers of the Bible who were of that stripe. The period of the divided kingdom of Israel was permeated with the most horrendous acts of evil. The infamous Jezebel and her husband, Ahab, king of Israel, had three children together: Ahaziah, Jehoram, and Athaliah. (A few argue that Athaliah was Omri’s daughter.) 

Jezebel and Athaliah were wicked to the bone. Athaliah (of Israel) married Jehoram, king of Judah. She was an evil influence upon her husband, who murdered his brothers to strengthen his hold as king. 

Upon his death, their son Ahaziah became king. Athaliah was “his counselor in doing wickedly” (cf. 2 Chron. 22:1-9). Her co-counselors advised him… “to his destruction.” Jehu became the Lord’s executioner, and Ahaziah was killed. Athaliah took action and began killing off her own grandchildren. If it had not been for Ahaziah’s sister, her nephew, baby Joash, would have been slain. Athaliah made herself ruler over Judah, for a few years. It did not end well with her, as she was eventually executed; and the young Joash took his rightful place as king.

The purpose of this cursory review of that period of Old Testament history, is to show that a human being, even a grandmother, can become so wicked that she is willing to kill her own grandchildren for selfish purposes.

Are all the Athaliah’s Gone?

The answer is, hardly! How many mothers are advising their unwed daughters to abort their babies? Rumor has it that even Christian mothers, have advised and paid for the murder of their own pre-born grandchildren. I hope the rumor isn’t true.

Are there other ways that grandmothers are counselors in wickedness? What a painful question. How much more painful is the answer: Yes! Perhaps it is out of a lack of spiritual knowledge or understanding, but the answer is still an affirmative.

How are Grandmothers Failing their Grandchildren?

Examples teach. Grandmothers may fail to teach godliness by their slothful worship attendance, stingy giving and minimal to no involvement in the work of the local church. Our grandchildren may rejoice when we spend our money on them. But the way we spend our time and money for the Lord has a more lasting impression.

What about the way Grandma dresses? Is Grannie’s neckline showing her cleavage? When she takes her granddaughter shopping, what kind of clothes does she buy for her?

One Christian Facebook grandmother extolled her husband for how well he made alcoholic cocktails! Does she advise that alcohol isn’t wise, but that it is not a sin (mistakenly)? Perhaps she even offers her grandchildren the first taste of that strong beverage. After all some say it is better done in the home, rather than elsewhere. Has she forgotten that alcohol can be addictive?

As Christians, do we listen to gossip and practice it ourselves? Do we “trash talk?” Do we join some millennials who trash talk the church, blaming congregations for the decline in faithful youth? The common statement that “millennials want what is real” is good, if true! But that in no way correctly charges the church with not being real for the last 2,000 years! What is real is sin condemns and Jesus saves. 

What else is real is that many parents have expected the church to spiritually raise their kids.Yes, we need “real” gospel preaching. We need “real” people who really care about the youth, and the elderly. We need “real” people who care about families. But what else is “real” is the fact that more parents and grandparents need to step up and do their jobs as spiritual mentors to their own families. Then, and only then, will there be less fall out by every age group.

Grandmother Goals

Paul praised the grandmother and mother of Timothy for training him in the scriptures (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:14-15) Lois and Eunice are held up as examples. We are told very little about these two godly women. But this we do know. They taught what was “real”— the Sacred Scriptures. Without a doubt, they also lived them. Without a doubt, these ladies had to be modest women, who were involved in the kind of works that professed godliness. (cf. 1 Tim. 2:9-10). I cannot imagine Mary, the mother of Jesus, Elizabeth, mother of John the Baptist, Mary and Martha, nor Lois and Eunice speaking with coarseness or vulgarity or dressing like harlots. They were women who knew Scripture and could advise from it. They were women of class, according to the teaching of the Word of God.

How can we emulate these women for the sake of our grandchildren? 

Learn the Word of God. You cannot teach what you do not know. Be avid readers of the Bible. Study it. Be informed about current biblical issues. Learn how to address the concerns of your children and grandchildren. Can you answer their questions about when the dinosaurs were created, the age of the earth or evolution? Be prepared! 

Learn to pray! If you love God and his word, strive to be a devoted praying individual. Pray for your grandchildren constantly, and as opportunity permits in front of them while they are young.

Show love and trust for the Lord. How much do you want your grandchildren to go to heaven? On the other side, how badly do you want them to avoid hell? There is only one life with which to teach our offspring. And for grandparents, it isn’t that long.

Love is more than giving things. We enjoy doing that. But deeper love is the love (agape) that sees more than the physical. It sees what is real. It sees that there is an eternity, that there is a God who loves us so much that he sent Jesus to die to purchase the church, the kingdom (cf. Col. 2:12-14).

Love is seeing to it that we do everything within our power to be the example that will show our grandchildren that there is a better path than the broad way that so many are traveling.

Does your grandchild own a Bible? Does he/she own age appropriate spiritual reading materials? Do your grandchildren have clothing suitable for going to worship, even if it is only occasionally when they visit you? Make sure that your gifts include these things. 

Talk to your grandchildren. It is great to play with them, to take them to special places. But talk to these young ones about spiritual matters, about the church, about Jesus. When they are little, sing songs with them like “Jesus Loves the Little Children.” Read Bible stories to them.

Let’s make it a resolution to do more to enhance their spiritual growth. Make a list of ways you can spiritually encourage your grandchildren. Do all you can to create a closer bond with them so that your influence can be felt. Perhaps you have neglected keeping in close contact. Write them paper letters, email, call them. Remember their special days. Make it a goal to do better. Be as present in their lives as is possible. 

Evil is extant in our world. The church can teach, support and encourage, but the primary responsibility for showing children what is real belongs to parents and grandparents. What more can you do to reduce the attrition of your young people? Hell is real. Heaven is real. Judgment day is real.

The love of grandparents is so very real. Let’s use it for eternal good, and not selfish motives.  

Again: “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children”( Deut. 4:9ff). This is real!

Recommended Reading

Jackson, Wayne. John 2:1ff The Wine that Jesus Made. ChristianCourier.com. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/666-john-2-1ff-the-wine-that-jesus-made

Jackson, Wayne. What About Moderate Social Drinking? ChristianCourier.com. Access date: https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/308-what-about-moderate-social-drinking

Jackson, Wayne. Thinking Straight About Abortion. ChristianCourier.com. Access date: January 21, 2016. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/259-thinking-straight-about-abortion

Jackson, Wayne. Television and Your Children. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/864-television-and-your-children

Jackson, Wayne. Genesis 1 and Dinosaurs. ChristianCourier.com. Access date: January 20, 2016. https://www.christiancourier.com/articles/1415-genesis-1-and-dinosaurs

Good materials for youngsters:

Truth Be Told. Kyle Butt and Eric Lyons. Apologetics Press. https://www.apologeticspress.org/store/Product.aspx?pid=54

Discovery Magazine. Apologetics Press. https://www.apologeticspress.org/store/Category.aspx?cid=3

Apologetics Press has numerous materials for children and teens.

For homeschool or Bible class:

Jackson, Betty. We Believe Because. Christian Courier Publications. See: https://www.facebook.com/WeBelieveBecause (Contact: betty@christiancourier.com)

See: We Believe in God Because of Dinosaurs.

 https://www.facebook.com/WeBelieveBecause/photos/a.1677256255886574.1073741831.1446500582295477/1677254519220081/?type=3&theater